March 14, 2005

• Despite the fact that I’ve been alive for approximately fifteen and a half years, this past Saturday it only just occurred to me that I’ve been brainwashed.  Not like aliens taking me in my sleep and poking freakish cords at me so that I tell them every nitty gritty secret about human life kind of brainwashed.  More like media brainwashed.  Yes.  I reluctantly admit that the media, the fads, the trends, have consumed by inner being.

  
  

   

  
  

  I don’t know whether it’s the media or not, actually.  Now that I think about it, it might just be high school.  Well, since I really like blaming the crucial issues in my life on external forces, I think I’ll blame everything on the media.  I hate the media.

  
  

   

  
  

  Ever since the beginning of the year, I’ve been fighting this constant battle to be different.  At first, I would take that ruled paper and say to myself “Hm, maybe I should write the other way.”  I felt pretty accomplished after I did that.  Then, by December, I started writing the same way as the ruled paper was asking me to go.  Why?  Because everyone else was writing the other way.  But, eventually I found that writing the way I was supposed to write was totally against the point I was trying to get across to myself.  So then I started writing on furniture.

  
  

   

  
  

  What does that have to do with brainwashing?  Quite simple, actually.  You see, brainwashing the adolescent population is the easiest thing ever.  Like taking candy from a baby, injecting a large sum of nicotine into it, and then sticking it back in their toothless mouths. The media does it to us.  And we do it to each other. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Top Three Ways the Average Trend Stalking Teen Has Sold Their Souls to The Media

  
  

   

  
  

  
  
  1. Music:  Remember that time?  That time when all your friends used to listen to z100 and think that it was the only music on earth? That there was just nothing but Christina, Britney, and Da Club?  Remember that?  Yeah.  Maybe that’s because it was only six months ago.  It could also be because we were brainwashed then, too.  However, I am strongly convinced that Middle School just has a certain magical way of getting all of its awkward inhabitants to thoroughly enjoy the worst music on earth.

  
  

   

  
  

  But what about now? What have so many of us done in order to rebel from our younger selves and further emphasize the fact that we’ve ‘matured’ and grown out of that stage?  I have three words for you:  Indie and Oldies. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Ever since that OC mix 1 and the Garden State soundtracks came out, people have decided to ditch the sugary crap on z100 for good songs.  If I were an Indie kid, a kid who’s basic lifelong goal is to be described as ‘so twenty minutes from now’, this would piss me off to the extreme.  These followers, these booty shaking z100ers, these bandwagon tag-alongs, are stealing my music. However, I’m not an Indie kid.  I am a wannabe Indie kid.  One that discovered such songs from artists that are signed to independent record companies a mere ten minutes before The Shins replaced Kelly Clarkson on the popularity scale.  I should have nothing to complain about, because I didn’t necessarily discover that music.  However, I did think I was being original.  That I was being understatedly cool. That no one would ever discover my newly found treasure. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Then, Seth Cohen had to like Death Cab and all hell broke loose.

  
  

   

  
  

  Oldies music is not necessarily a ‘trend’ in the sense.  Most people have always liked the occasional Beatles or Billy Joel songs that they heard blasting in their parent’s cars.  In fact, I’m pretty sure the only way oldies music has become a new obsession is because it’s just all around good music.  The kind that when you’re young, you want nothing to do with.  “Eww, you listen to mommy’s music!” you might have heard in fifth grade.  But now it’s okay.  What is not okay, however, is the constant need for everyone to know every single song, every single popular band that existed between the ‘60’s and the 80’s and then talk condescendingly to those who don’t.  There is a difference between liking oldies music and liking the idea of liking oldies music. 

  
  

   

  
  

  There is also a difference between liking The Beatles, and liking the shirt that says ‘The Beatles’.

  
  

   

  
  

  Yes, yes.  We’ve all seen the Ramones shirts. And yes, The Beatles, The Doors, Pink Floyd, have also been manufactured as clothing merchandise.  There is nothing wrong with wearing a shirt that has the name of your favorite band on it, either.  Not at all.  But, if you happen to be someone that has liked the oldies for a longer period of time than the average teenager, this could piss you off about as much as the Indie kids currently are.  I can’t recall how many times the occasional guy wearing a Led Zeppelin tee has come up to me asking  “So.  You are wearing a Beatles shirt.  You do know they’re a band right?” 

  
  

   

  
  

  No, really? I thought they were a fruit.

  
  

   

  
  

  Overall, the mass change in music taste has been a positive one.  And although the angry Indie and Oldies kids want their music back for themselves, they must know one thing: good music isn’t really a possession.  And it really shouldn’t be entirely used to further express your individuality from everyone else.  Think about it.  It’s a sound that people enjoy.  Music should be shared by everyone; it should bring people together. Think about it, Indie and Oldies kids.  The former z100ers have finally been enlightened. 

  
  

   

  
  

  
  
  2. Clothes:  I already mentioned the band shirts, so now I’m going to get down to the really dirty stuff. 

  
  

  The main thing I hate about this generation of trends is that it isn’t really our generation.  Notice that each decade of the twentieth century had its own distinct style.  Tens had puffy dresses.  Twenties had flapper dresses.  Thirties had…rags? The forties had the wardrobe in The Notebook.  The fifties had sideburns and poodle skirts.  Sixties had tie dye and bell bottoms.  Seventies had afros and platforms.  Eighties…big hair and leggings.  Nineties...grunge.  Thousands?  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.

  
  

   

  
  

  Sure, the thousands have only been around for about five years.  But all I’ve seen flashing through the pages of those sparkly teen trend magazines are headlines such as ‘Forties are FAB’ and ‘Eighties are IN’.  In all honesty, this decade is nothing more or less than an oversized time warp.  The fashion world has just run straight out of ideas, now improvising with hand-me-downs from the past.

  
  

   

  
  

  Either that, or Y2K really did have a negative effect on people’s minds.

  
  

   

  
  

  Hey, at least we’re past that whole “98.3572859743 % Angel!!!” tee-shirt phase.  That, my friends, was just gruesome.

  
  

   

  
  

  
  
  3. Entertainment:  Looking back on television ten years ago, Full House was pure quality.  So was America’s Funniest Home Videos and Friends.  And then what?  And then Paris Hilton strutted her stuff onto The Simple Life and our idea of entertainment became about as wholesome as a rotting tooth.

  
  

   

  
  

  Notice that the content of Reality Television is the exact opposite of its title.  Honestly.  When was the last time you walked onto a farm and saw two orange-skinned Barbie dolls planting corn seed?  Quoting Simon Cowell, “I don’t mean to be rude but” Paris Hilton really needs to swallow her squeaky Chihuahua, choke, and die.

  
  

   

  
  

  As you may have concluded, I am not a big fan of Reality Television.  However, I am nonetheless a major fan of overly dramatic soap operas and sitcoms.  My top three being Desperate Housewives, That 70’s Show, and The OC.  Although the order varies depending on the quality of the most recent episode. 

  
  

   

  
  

  What people these days have been getting carried away with is the Guilty Pleasure regime.  Desperate Housewives is an okay Guilty Pleasure entirely because it is truly a high-quality show.  The plot makes sense, the characters are well-developed, and the script doesn’t sound like a kindergartener scrawled it on a napkin during art class.  It’s equivalent to a dieter taking a break and snacking on a fruit roll-up.  Shows like Supernanny and The Bachelor are televised proof of the decaying values of our society.  These shows are equal to the average third grader’s stash of Halloween candy.  Our values have sunk so low that some of us look forward to watching toddlers throw belligerent temper tantrums in department stores once a week.  Not to mention, The Bachelor has proven to be about 70 % unsuccessful.  As far as I can remember from the tabloids, only about one or two couples from that show have actually remained couples.  There is just too much pressure, too little time, and too many good-looking people on those types of shows for the True Love concept to even set a molecule on the set. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Bottom Line: Read books.

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  After reading this, I’m sure some of you are offended.  You may be defending yourselves, saying that you swear you like the Ramones.  You may be defending your taste in music, saying you always bopped your head to Snow Patrol.  You may be defending your favorite show, saying that Paris Hilton is in fact a real person. 

  
  

   

  
  

  All I’ve done is state what I’ve seen, what I am seeing, what I wish I wasn’t seeing. 

  
  

   

  
  

  And all I’m hinting is…

  
  

   

  
  

  Maybe you’ve been brainwashed, too.

  
  

   

  • 9:17 pm
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