March 23, 2005

• So there I was.  Looking out the window and typing up this new xanga entry about staring contests at the exact same time.  Some say that when I look away from the computer while I type, I’m merely showing off.  I’m just telling all the world that lookee here, I’m a computer-savvy nutcase.  And I want everyone to know it.  I want everyone to know that I’m so tech-smart, I can type and marvel at nature simultaneously. 

  
  

  Yes, because that is such a wonderful thing to brag about. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Give me a medal; I’ve spent three fourths of my life in front of a screen.

  
  

   

  
  

  No.  I often look past the screen while I type to get new ideas.  And yes, marvel.  But only at the vast difference between the images on the computer and the real, living, breathing ones that exist just beyond that glass panel that separates me from the outside world. 

  
  

   

  
  

  So there I was.  Looking out the window and typing up that new entry, marveling.  Thinking about how crappy the weather has been recently.  Not the actual weather, but the moody swings it’s been going through.  One day the sun's out, its light beaming on rooftops and dancing on cars.  And then twenty four hours later the man upstairs just sort of decided, you know what?  Fuck New Jersey.  And pissed all over the place. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Honestly, if weather had a menstrual cycle, it would be ‘that time of the month’ Every. Freaking. Day.

  
  

   

  
  

  Which led me into wondering about, you know, god.  I was still looking out that window, and the sky just looked so angry.  And it made me wonder if it was some intricate mathematical equation on the density of pollution that caused the sky to look like that, or was it something a little more sentimental? Like some greater force.  Some superior being.  Something that had a certain amount of control.  Something to have faith in. 

  
  

   

  
  

  I’ve always wondered about god and religion and whatnot.  I was raised thinking that Judaism was merely three wasted hours a week dedicated entirely to decoding some mutated version of the alphabet and learning about Abraham Lincoln.  Who, to my knowledge, managed to be the first Jewish prophet and the sixteenth president of the United States in the same lifetime. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Then, I got older and found it quite hard to get by without believing in something or someone.  Awkwardly, I’d stagger through each day, having nothing to keep me stable, having no support for my beliefs.  Because I really had nothing to believe in, honestly. 

  
  

   

  
  

  And so there I was, looking out the window, thinking about god.  And then, just then, something fell from the sky. 

  
  

   

  
  

  It’s a bird! I thought.  No, wait!  It’s a plane!  No, no.  That’s not it.

  
  

   

  
  

  I stepped away from the computer and squinted out the window.

  
  

   

  
  

  Ah, yes.  A bird.  A dead bird.

  
  

   

  
  

  So I guess you could say that as of this afternoon, I’ve finally found something to believe in: technology.  And its ability to kill everything.

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  Speaking of technology, today marks my one year anniversary on this weblog. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Hi dar89! It's been 365 days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?

  
  

   

  
  

  Pretty cool, huh?  One whole year since I started this thing and what has changed? Mmm, let me think a second.  Oh, yes.  Nothing.

  
  

   

  
  

  But that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for this blog.  I look forward to writing in here.  It’s one of the highlights of my week.  Really, it is.  Well, sometimes.  Depending on how many comments I think I’ll get.  Or how many people I confuse. To be honest.

  
  

   

  
  

  But that doesn’t mean this website doesn’t thoroughly piss me off.  I get the same message from this thing every day.  Hey, Dar89! You know, like the website is my best friend or something.  Like if the website were a person, it would totally slap me five in the hallway. That’s probably what happens.  They say Hi fRiEndLeSs_tEeNagR52! And then shizAM. Friendless teenager thinks he has a friend. 

  
  

  I’ve met people like Xanga.  They always want something.  Always want a piece of you, those kids.  Don’t let ‘em have it.  My suggestion?  Kick them in the groin.  Or if it’s an inanimate object, stick it in the microwave for three minutes with an entire bowl of marshmallows and three forks.  Don’t ask why.  Just do it. 

  
  

   

  
  

  I guess I probably sound incredibly grandmother-like when I say that technology kills, but you know…it truly is eating away at our brains.  I’ve lived so much of my life staring at pixels.  At little boxes of color making up these two-dimensional images that do nothing but sit there.  They don’t even stare back at you. Just lay there lifelessly, pointlessly, flat. And yes, okay.  Maybe I did just finish reading Fahrenheit 451, but that is beside the point.  I encountered this issue even before I read that book.  And as I sit here, ipod at my side, the television blazing American Idol in the living room, typing away, I can proudly say that technology has no significant impact on my life.  It means nothing to me.  Seriously. 

  
  

   

  
  

  Joke. 

  
  

   

  
  

  But, god.  Those jets up in the sky.  They’re killing the birds.

  • 9:30 pm
  • 13 Comments