February 4, 2005
-
I've come to the conclusion that all twelve year olds suck. All of them. Every last one. It's just a known fact. Black is the opposite of white. The average sheet of computer paper measures eight and a half by eleven inches. George Washington was
You could be the coolest eleven year old in the world. You could have everything going for you with your good grades and that spot on the little league soccer team that's named after something destructive and powerful like 'The Comets' or the 'Thunderbolts'. You could be 'the cute one' in the family. But no matter how well you are doing at life, how perfect it may all seem, it will all go downhill once that fateful twelfth birthday bombards its way into your life. I don't just know, I promise.
I guess it may sound pretty harsh when I say that once a kid turns twelve they might as well lock themselves up in some electrically-fenced up metal box for the next 365 days, but face it, it's pretty much the truth. To the extreme, anyway. But how, you may wonder, do I know this?
I was twelve once. I was that sixth grader who wanted to make as much a statement as Paris Hilton did when she made that kinkilly nasty video. I was that kid who's lifelong goal was to be featured in the Limited Too catalog. I was the hopeless one that, not under the demand of some night plowling whore, caked on that blue glitter eye shadow and pranced around in public while there were young, not-yet corrupted children lurking around. It's the curse of middle school, basically. I wanted to put the 'teen' in preteen. So when people looked at me they wouldn't think 'poser' but drop their jaws and exclaim 'Christ almighty! It's the next Hillary Duff!"
I sucked at the age of twelve. My cousins sucked at the age of twelve. Shirley Temple lost her job at the age of twelve. Hilary Duff destroyed the Disney Channel by trying out for Lizzie McGuire at the age of twelve. My sister is twelve.
In essence, twelve is the new thirteen.
Comments (7)
actually, the average sheet of computer paper is 8 and a half by eleven.
excweez me, but that "vital information" you spoke of on my thing disrupts your entire argument
ouch!
but actually 12 year olds do suck
hey man i remember wen u were 12 at wissahickon and a hippy, glory days, yea man, havent talked in a while
pce out,
ur wissahickon friend,
the anti-hippy,
andrew fleisher
i liked it when i was 12 years old
xxj
DAryl I have a complaint! im 12 but youre like, my really good friend! what up with that??
love ya
abby (starobin)
As a teacher of 12 year olds, I must say...
No Shit.
Haha, I was just a demon child at twelve. I was a tom-boy with an attitude. I think my family thought I was a lesbian, due to my excessive climbing of trees.
Comments are closed.