June 2, 2004

• Some people I know hate at least one person.  Just straight up want to kill them, whether it be with their own aggressive, bare hands or their rhetoric.   However, most people i know simply don't like something about a person and therefore don't hang out with them.  For stupid reasons. Her laugh is so horsy.  I say something funny and BAM. Nays flying everywhere.  God, do i hate her.

  
  

  That's more what it's like here.  Here as in everyone i know, and even people i don't know that well.  We are a bunch of desperate, famished apes rummaging through eachother's hair and eating up as many little bugs we can find. We claim to be cleaning eachother, simply critiquing eachother's flaws. Sure, i guess you could phrase it that way.  But after we find those flaws, those bugs, that we constantly search for in everyone from our friends to our foes, we gobble them up.  Only for the sake of benefitting ourselves.

  
  

  It's pretty pathetic, actually.  This whole idea of nitpicking.  On the outside we're all buddy-buddy, smiling and waving hi to all our aquaintances passing by in the halls, waving as though we are the 'BFF's' we will always be.  But in so many cases, 'BFF' is just another abreiviated lie. People will change.  And with those changes come changes in relationships.  Some people go through 'BFF's' like they go through clothes.  James was so last season.  Rachel is the new Matt. They hang out with someone for a little bit, watching their every move, shamelessly waiting patiently for them to finally mess up.  And when they do, it's adios in a snap.  The nitpicker found the bugs, experienced the joy of eating them up and talking about them to the other furry little baboons or whatever, and then abandoned the poor guy getting cleaned for another one. 

  
  

  Do these people find joy in scrutinizing others to merely find their flaws?  Probably.  Or maybe it's like a drug or something.  Like a cigarette. It's addicting.  Since they are just so great at determining the wrongs in people, they constantly do it to themselves. And it is rare to find someone that is completely satisfied.  So they decide to nitpick the mess-ups made by others.  It makes them feel better about themselves.  By pushing other heads down, they now have the support to rise up.  And they just keep doing it and doing it despite the fact that no matter how high they rise up, no matter how many heads they push under, they will never reach the top.  Not that way, at least.

  
  

  But then there are others that are perfectly fine with themselves.  And they brag about the people they turn down and hate as though they were plaques or medals or trophies.  Hating people, being hated by people, is something to be proud of.  I only know a few people like that.  And in a sick, sad way what they are doing is almost ingenius.  Sort of like a fitting seventeen jumbo marshmallows in your mouth all at once kind of ingenius. Just another stupid accomplishment. They only close off a few select people. Usually these are people that might be a threat to their social status or reputation.  And they just shut the door on them.  Either that or they make their lives a living hell.  Both pretty much suck. 

  
  

  Especially if you happened to like the person that ditched you.  Then it really sucks.  Because not only are they shutting you out and torturing you, but they are basically taking a portion of your heart and ripping it up right before your eyes.  It's like taking a painting someone's donated practically all their sleep, sweat, and blood into just for you and saying "You wanna see how much this means to me?" RIPPP.  Because the whole time you thought you had something; something that might just fall under the almost unreachable 'BFF' catagory. But in reality you were just another gold medal in the making.  Another piece of jewelry for that person to show off their wealth.  And all the while you pray to god that they feel the coldness of that medal.  That they feel the frozen love hitting them in the neck.  But in most cases, they never do.  They just go numb.

  
  

  I've always had a problem with that.  Maybe it's because I've been the medal before. Still am.  But maybe it's because i really can't find the bad in anyone.  Sure, i'll notice the occasional horsy laugh.  But i won't ditch a person because of it.  The only way that i take the form of a nitpicker is when i am around one.  By myself, the girl that has the screen name  Sparkleangelghettogal is just another example of how bad screen names happen to good people.  To a nitpicker, Sparkleangelghettogal is now their enemy.  Imperfection alert.  By myself, i wouldn't think twice about it.  With a nitpicker, i have enemies.  When with a nitpicker, you can see through their scrutinizing eyes and you can hate just as easily as they can.  If you are capable of loving, you are capable of hating.  The two link hand in hand. 

  
  

  ~d

  • 10:12 pm
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